Most Embarassing Moments

Most embarrassing moments
“The only cure for vanity is laughter and the only fault deserving of laughter is vanity…”

Like it or not – stuff happens. Runners see more of it than many folks because we are getting out there and doing stuff. This subjects us to a larger than average number of foibles and comedic moments. So I asked for questiona and I got a few, which I'll cover here, and address a few more funny ones that could crash your day or your race - so pay attention. BTW many of these funny stories are second hand/first hand, while a rash of others come right out of Runners World, where you find a lot of good material - they used a forum/poll technique to gather some doozies!

For example: I was out on a run and running a trail for the first time. Working hard to keep from falling after recent rains I was focused on my footwork and never saw the dead tree limb hanging dangerously low to the trail. My hat shielded the view until after it was too late and looking skyward from my supine position I knew I had been foolish – now my head hurt too.

Ins and outs
#1The statistics say that 24% of women ages 25-44 y.o. experience some symptoms of stress incontinence. A leaky bladder while running is a more common problem for women who have given birth. Once the muscles of the pelvic floor become weakened anything from a cough to a fast run can cause a problem. Kegel exercises can help rehabilitate and strengthen pelvic floor muscles and effectively cure most incontinence. To find the muscles, stop your urine stream while going to the bathroom. Practice contracting and relaxing the muscles for 10 second repetitions as often each day as you can. Some runners say a tampon can help prevent leakage and help maintain muscle tone.

#2 Adding fiber in your diet can make you more regular and then able to schedule your movements to occur before a run. Caffeine can speed the movement of waste through your system and thus aid your scheduling issues. Running jostles your system and diverts blood from the digestive tract to legs and muscles elsewhere and this can cause cramping and/or an emergency pit stop if you have not already taken care of business. On race day many folks have eaten two hours or more before the gun and then had something small (that they know will sit well) 30 minutes before race time. On long runs in the countryside do not forget to carry a few sheets of paper in a zip-lock bag!

Worst case scenario preparedness: Country roads afford a lot of privacy oftentimes and you learn which spots on your route have more cover. I carry a kit that works well on race day - and doubles as a country roads emergency kit.

I use a big zip-lock bag style "kit" and in it I place:
Some TP,
A freezer zip-lock
One really tough garbage bag
Hand gel.

This kind of kit easily fits in a fanny pack or cargo pocket and is discrete. TP and the zip lock and gel can handle any spontaneous need to urinate for a female and allows me to pack out my TP easily to pitch later.

The garbage bag works the same way I might clean up after my dog in the city. BM goes on the ground and TP accompanies the stool. Then with a hand inside the bag as a glove, I scoop the whole thing into the garbage bag and then seal it into the zip-lock for disposal later, anywhere I'd pitch a diaper. I have found that in several national parks the rangers actually teach this technique as a means to "pack it in pack it out" and if the site chosen is softer ground or snow this works just fine with no evident trace. Things do happen out there and this kit has saved me and comrades on numerous occasions.

Sweat – it can stain clothes and moisture makes some colors transparent…
From a runner – “I purchased 3 pairs of running shorts. Identical except in color. They had a very light mesh liner that made them great for summer workouts in the Georgia heat. I bought black, blue and yellow. I loved these shorts and in fact I still use them from time to time. One day I set out wearing the yellow shorts on a run from my house to a well used local park. Along the way I noticed a few interesting glances and some folks staring directly at my crotch. I didn't really think much about it until I got home and realized that these awesome yellow shorts had become increasingly see- through as I sweat during my run. I hope the folks I encountered enjoyed a good show. I still have those yellow shorts but I never wear them. They serve as a reminder to stick with dark colors”
Besides giving the public a good show you may find excessive sweating can cause blistering. Body glide, Vaseline, Aquaphor, or even anti-perspirant applied to the trouble areas can help – this includes feet.

Chafing and “number 11” syndrome
Salt in sweat can cause chafing too and on long runs this is something to look out for – I know folks who use a bandanna to brush off and wipe down troublesome areas ahead of time.
Runs over a certain distance (varies by runner) will always cause chafing. The most common for men is thighs and nipples. The “number 11” comes from the blood stains on the jersey of an unprotected guy who was not told to tape, apply body glide or even breathe right strips to nipples to avoid this problem.

Blood in your urine - haematuria – is a condition that 20% of the (Runner’s World) poll reported having suffered after a long run. Runners World says that “Sometimes on a long run cells in the kidneys may leak or bleed or the bladder can suffer injury as well from all the jostling. While not normal – some folks are prone to this and the condition resolves within 48 hours. If it does not – seek medical attention.” My learning from nursing school tells me that this might be rhabdomyolysis which more specifically is myoglobin in the urine and this is coming from the extreme tearing down of muscle tissue. This muscle tissue contains myoglobin – similar to the oxygen carrying, hemoglobin in your blood and it would leave urine a rust or dark, red- brown color. If you are losing large amounts of potassium rhabdomyolysis could be a consequence as well. This too would not be a normal occurrence and can lead to complications, thus it warrants a visit to the doctor.

Knowing the route - From a runner, “I have very bad night vision. In order to avoid running into some pedestrians, I ran towards the edge of the sidewalk, in between two poles. Turns out, there was a sign in between the two poles that I didn't see and I ran right into it. I hit my head pretty hard and stumbled backwards before trying to keep running.” There are lots of good lighting systems and tools available and I run with a light on my head and one in my hand. The one in my hand is for making sure others see me. The one on my head keeps track of the ground, but honestly when you run a route a lot you learn where the mean dog is, who is always late to work and driving fast, and which guy will never miss a puddle. Know the hazards in advance if you can.

Tying your shoes - The racers are in the chute and the gun fires. The runner who bends over to tie their shoe at the start of the race is knocked over by the wave of racers flooding on to the course. This story has been related to me more than once and the runner had not learned to tie correctly or did not double knot and certainly did not move to the side of the course to re-tie or else I would not be re-telling the sad tale. The other big one is shoes tied with an unmovable bow and the loop catching on something – sending the runner horizontal. You can tuck the loops in and single tie them correctly to keep them done up. See our facebook site for a link on how to tie a proper bow (I laughed too, but it works).

Gear check - From a runner “I was running my first marathon in 1997. I was about at the 18 to 19 mile mark, when another runner caught up to me only to inform me of a gaping hole in my black running tights that were showing my white undergarments. I learned to do pre-checks on gear before I wear it.” I have heard of racers showing up at the race without their bib or timing chip. Check your stuff the night before and pre-pack so that you can be confident of an easy day.

Know thy schedule: From a runner “My boyfriend and I had registered ahead of time for the race which was advertised as beginning at 9:30. I was pretty nervous and was definitely in pre-race solitary mode while stretching at my car. At around 9:10 a crowd was gathering around the start and my boyfriend - honoring my pre-race alone time - told me he was going to make his way to the start. I stayed at my car stretching until I heard a gun and the pack of runners come streaming by me. The race had started at 9:15!”

Plan ahead – and nothing new on race day: From a runner “I ran my first marathon (Philly) and INHALED my jelly beans in front of the crowds. I couldn't breathe! I was doubled over, choking, and someone had to smack me in the back. The beans came flying out - everyone cheered.”

Animal encounters
Dogs: find out what is the dogs territory and always have a heads up attitude about his fence, tie up or lack there of. Never run from a dog – you’ll loose in the speed interval and then you’re too tired to look threatening. Stand your ground, pick up something to wave around if you have to and look that dog in the eye and tell him to “GO HOME!” Always thank dog owners who restrain their dogs – and I have found that if you wave and look upstanding to the owner that is reflected in the dog’s attitude. Sometimes that dog is even tied up the next day!
Other wild things – from a runner, “After a couple of miles of plodding along the sidewalk, I approached a flock of 8-12 Canadian Geese in my path. I remember thinking, "They'll move." Well, when I got within about 10 feet, they sprang their multiple pinching beak assault. They didn't so much attack me individually as much as they assailed me as one formidable presence.” From yet another runner “running on the Main Street of the town I live near on a really foggy Saturday morning, I couldn't see 2 feet around me. The next thing I knew this huge deer charges from the alley and plows right into me. WHAM! I flew into the street, scraped my knees, bit my tongue and the deer just kept going.”
Do try to find routes that minimize wildlife disturbance and sometimes just asking about the local fauna helps. Bear bells for trail runs, pepper spray for downtown Philly, find out what you need to not miss your run.

Automobile vs. runner - You know you are never going to win this one – so no bullfighting please. You should face traffic and take off your headphones but also keep these great ideas from Jeff Galloway in mind.
Watch and prepare to make fast adjustments, many runners have had to dive for the ditch or leap the hedgerow as the motorist dropped their cell phone and reached to catch it.
Plan ahead where you might jump to or which side of the turn offers best visibility
Wear reflective gear, not just at night. Think “can I be seen easily, from a mile away?”
Understand that you cannot understand the driver’s mentality. Drunk, late for church, maybe they’re texting, or unable to run and resentful of you for getting out and having such a good time. People act like they are anonymous in their cars oftentimes. So WAVE, let them know that you see them and let them see you better, be neighborly and BE the change you wish to see in the world…(you’ll be amazed how many wave back – esp. in WV) the post about traffic survival talks a lot more about this idea because it is so important.

I am just out here doing my thing - “I have run past a drug deal, an underage beer party and two lovers in the backseat of the car – not on the same run. I keep quiet feet and I nod but keep moving. Some of those folks appreciated that I ‘kept my head down’ and just looked non-threatening - I think the folks in the car never even noticed me.”

Maybe a new outfit? From a runner, “On race day I went in to use the porta-potty and forgot to lock the door. I had to pull my outfit down to go. I was just starting to pull it up when someone just opened the door on me. All 30 or so people standing in line got a good show of me in my birthday suit. I thought the rule when waiting in a porta-potty line was to wait till you see someone come out before you try to go in - or at the very least knock first.”